we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
