It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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