??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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