i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
