The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
