How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
