I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize