So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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