her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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