I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
