Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
