this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
