its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
