just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
