she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
