no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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