it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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