Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
