So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
