oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
