Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
