How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
