she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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