you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
