I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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