I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize