My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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