I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
