Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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