If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
