do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
