I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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