I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
