Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
