There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
