I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
