Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
