i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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