i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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