Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
