Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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