I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
soo... how was my night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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