I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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