my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm like, not good at living.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
