My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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