My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
