he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize