He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
