I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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