I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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