I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
