I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
