I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
