Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
