I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
