The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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