there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
