I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
