toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
