I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
