You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
