Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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