I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
