please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
