They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
