I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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