It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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