Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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