I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
