everyone is single if you try hard enough
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
