my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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