And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
